A fermata... And Carnegie Hall

That is what it has been since I last wrote, one long long fermata. This is turning out to be just like my journal. So, what has happened since last I wrote? So much that this is probably going to be an annoyingly long post. So, I bet you can't guess why I put Carnegie Hall in my post title. Well, if you know me at all then I'm sure you already know. It's kind of a big deal. I got to play in Carnegie Hall! I found out Feb. 10 that I was a first place winner in an international competition called American Protege, and as a winner I was able to play a piece in Weill Recital Hall in Carnegie! It was the most incredible experience ever. I took my husband and my mom with me, we hopped a plane to New York, and on March 12, I played the first Mvt. of Beethoven Piano Sonata Op. 109 in the most famous concert hall on earth. What a ride.

Ok. Next. I finished the first year of the DMA! So the second semester was better than the first, although the end near Juries was pretty frightening. But I survived and all is well. So the summer has been treating me very nicely. I have been able to do some badly needed projects on my house, relax a little bit, and regain my love for practicing. I have to keep my practicing up especially well this summer, because on August 2nd, I am going to Italy for a music festival. I told you this was going to be a long post. So I have never been to Europe, and I am super excited about going to Italy. The teachers at this piano festival are going to be fantastic. AND, at the end of the festival, I get to play Saint-Saens Piano Concerto no. 2 with the orchestra in an amazing old building, and Matt gets to come watch me!! It will be so much fun! He is going to fly out the day before I play, and then we are going to take 2 days to just be tourists in Italy! We figured an opportunity like this may never present itself again, so why not.

I am constantly making new discoveries in my playing lately which I love. I am doing some of the most conscientious practicing I have ever done, and my ear is really growing. I am able to make better decisions about the selections I am playing and I can feel the progress. I am starting to be comfortable with myself as an artist, and that is a huge step for me. I am really excited for the upcoming school year and my first DMA recital. I think it's going to be pretty good. :) Well, besides saying that I love teaching piano and I think it is what I was born to do, I think I will cut this post short so that I have some things to say next time I write, which is hopefully not another 1/2 year from now. I don't think it will be. I love summer.

My Own Renaissance

So I am now finished with my first semester at ASU as a DM student. Holy smokes. It has been so fast paced that I don't even know where the time has gone. So as a TA, responsibilities include teaching classes and private students, plus, being on scholarship means that you have to accompany someone for each semester you have that scholarship. Alone, these things do not sound so bad. But trust me, nothing is ever "just" one hour a week, or "just" 3 classes. I also attempted the nearly impossible, and took over a friends TA responsibilities when he had to leave school. It was probably one of my worst practicing semesters ever. But its over, I have new resolves, new classes, some new students, and a new outlook on life. Thank goodness for Christmas vacation. ;) Even through all the crazy busy, I was able to make some excellent discoveries and advances in my playing.

Discovery #1: Let me start with some background. I was extremely frustrated this semester as Dr. Meir was trying to implement a new style into my playing. We were discussing how to achieve a "refined and distinguished" style, very characteristic of French music, and I kept finding a disconnect between what I wanted to have happen in my head, and what my body was doing. When I tried to sit back and very straight, with absolutely no movement to achieve the refined sound, I lost all emotional connection to what I was playing, and that is not ok with me. Oh the frustrations. After many hours, scenarios, and tears, the answer came to me in a flash. My bench was too high. I lowered the bench almost as low as it would go, and tried again. Instant difference. The difference of the angle of my arms to the keys changed everything. Suddenly, I was finally able to actually utilize all my arm weight, without "hitting" the keys. The increase in use of gravity allowed me to get the depth of sound I was looking for without distracting and unnecessary movements. So I feel like this should have been something that was addressed many many years ago, but I am aware of it now and am able to move forward. Very liberating.

Discovery #2: I had extremely weak hands for the years that I have been playing, and the repertoire I was playing. I have small hands to begin with, but it seemed that I could never play octaves and big chords without crashing something. What could be the culprit you ask? Weak Pinkies. My baby fingers needed several intense work-out sessions to whip them into shape. This problem hasn't just been affecting chords, but fast passages and runs, as well as effective muscle memory.

Discovery #3: A whole new way to approach playing the keys. So I have always been taught that fingers are curved, all knuckles are strong and remain curved, and you press the keys down. Dr. Meir opened my eyes to a new and Very effective way of playing this semester. Flat fingers, and pulling the keys. This is not a technique that can be taught to beginners, because they have to have the appropriate finger strength to play correctly before they can play "incorrectly." Its amazing. I am using it most specifically as I learn Rachmaninoff's 2nd Piano Sonata. After working on it on several passages, and seeing the immediate effect it had on my playing, I am a believer.

So even after an awful show of practicing for the semester, I really grew as a musician and a pianist. Perhaps the full extent of that growth will make itself manifest as I enter a new semester and am able to make practicing my main priority once again. I also have some new private students that I am very excited about teaching. New personalities always give the opportunity for more growth as a teacher, and I love it.

A first Ending

So this is turning out to be like my journal. Something that gets done about twice a year. Maybe I'll be better now that this is linked to my webpage. Well, Masters Degree Complete. I graduated from Indiana University, Jacobs School of Music in May. I am glad it is over. There are pros and cons to being at a world-class school. Pros: its world class, and its serious business. Everyone is amazing. Cons: its world class, and its serious business. Everyone is Amazing. You're probably thinking that I should proofread my blog after that last sentence, but you would be wrong. (well, you wouldn't be wrong, I should proofread, its just that the statement is true.) The fact that it is so good is both a pro and a con in my opinion. The opportunities and the teaching are phenomenal. You hear music that just inspires you every time you walk down the practice room hallway. Every single day I would hear someone practicing and just sigh to myself thinking, "I hope I can play like that someday." At first it is very inspiring. Until you learn that the person playing is a freshman. :) Pretty much Serious. Oh well. We all have such different journeys. So I am now graduated, I have moved to Arizona, and I am ready for the next fork in the road. I get a fresh start at Arizona State University, where I am starting my Doctorate Degree this fall. I am Super excited for the year, a new recital, a new teacher, and just the overall change of scenery. I am working on some Great pieces, challenging and wonderful. My teacher has me starting the Rach 2nd Sonata, A piece that I approach with holy reverence, as one of the greatest piano sonatas ever written. :) I'm gonna work my tail off to play it as it should be played. Wish me luck, I'll need it.

An Un-natural habit

So it has been a while since I wrote. This is turning out to be more like my journal than I expected. So practicing has been going pretty good lately. Lots of ups and downs as usual. I am in the middle of recording for my DM auditions and holy smokes. So far I have recorded the first two mvts. of Beethoven 109, and also the Chr. Fantasy and Fugue. Turns out I hate the fantasy. :( Yesterday I began rethinking my approach to it, and I think I will be much more successful if I re-record it. Turns out Dr. Shaw was right. Too different. Oh well. Today I will be recording the last mvt. of Bartok 2nd concerto. I'm sending it in for a competition in Idaho. We'll see if that goes anywhere. Not too concerned.
Now on to the good stuff. I have realized that my whole approach to learning music is completely off. The last several years of school, I realized that I am one of those people who misses notes. My teachers pointed it out, I could hear it, and I was never really happy with the accuracy of my playing. So somehow I got into the mindset that that was the most important first step to learning music. Well, its wrong. I have realized lately that you can work on the "notes" and silly details FOREVER, and never really understand the whole structure of the piece, where it is going, what it is communicating, and then, if you try to change your approach or your ideas, you have to start over on the whole notes process. BAD. As I was playing Bach for Dr. Shaw the other day, we had a discussion about this. She said to imagine a baroque building. Beautiful scrolls and detail work. Now imagine how that building was built. They did not start by carving the tiny artwork and filigree on stones, and then put them up somewhere. They had an absolute plan, and most of the building was already done before they tried to do the detail work. I have always started with the detail work. (Make sure to play every note and get a really good crescendo and Rit. ,) I never stopped to think what it had to sound like as a whole, or what purpose it served in the structure. I have been learning music this way for about 20 years now. like I said. Bad. But I really think that to revamp this part of myself will be to really make a breakthrough in my playing. I think it is the missing link to really understanding the music and making mature and wise musical decisions. So while it is kind of depressing and is going to take a TON of work to fix, I am pretty excited about it. I only wish I could have learned this 8 years ago. oh well. I'm learning it now. Off to practice.

A Natural Process

So it has been a good week at the piano. I had a really good moment in my practicing on Monday. I was trying really hard to memorize a part of the Bach Chromatic Fantasy and Fugue and it seemed like no matter what i did I couldn't ever get it right. If you are familiar with the piece, the opening pages of the Fantasy is made up of a bunch of very fast passages, all very chromatic. (hence the name. :) anyways, Something that Dr. Shaw said in my lesson the week before came to my mind. She said, "my problem was that as soon as I heard it, i kind of knew it, and then my ear wouldn't let me play wrong notes." I realized my ear was taking a vacation. I decided that it might help if I sang in my head the note before I played it and relied a bit more on my ear. So I tried to sing the passage out loud from memory. As I tried this, I realized I couldn't hear exactly what the next note was in a few places and therefore couldn't even sing it. Whoops. I was relying totally on muscle memory to try to memorize and that is a hard way to do it. I learned a valuable lesson. Its funny. I'm pretty sure I should have learned this lesson years ago. And its not to say that some teachers never mentioned it, but if they did I obviously wasn't ready to hear it. Discovering small things like this for myself are what makes practicing exciting each day. Seriously, I couldn't wait to get to the piano the next day and try it again in another section and another piece. It doesn't work this slick every time I try it, but every little discovery helps. I have a great day today to practice, and I'm a bit curious what I will find out today. I'm sure you'll hear about it.

A sharp reminder

So lots of thoughts lately. I'm going to try not to use the word "feel" however in these thoughts, because Dr. Shaw said something the other day that makes sense, even if it sucks for me. I was telling her how I "felt" about the way things were going and one of my performances, and she said to me, "look, I'm going to share with you what one of my mentors shared with me. I told him how I felt and he looked at me and said, 'Karen, nobody cares how you feel, they care how you play. How did you play?' " hmmm. unfortunately that is so true. You can feel awful about a performance and people will rave about it, and you can feel amazing about a performance and no one will seem to notice it was good. the cold hard fact is, How did you actually play? so hard to judge. Moving on. So in Masterclass the other day, a super cute little sophomore girl played the Mendelssohn Concerto in Gm. Amazing. I've played the first mvt. before, but when she got to the 3rd mvt. I about hit the floor. it was inspiring. The fastest little fingers I have seen in I don't know how long. It was SO fast and so clean, its the kind of playing I've always dreamed of doing. The other thing I've been thinking about is one of my friends from high school. Her and her husband have a very successful photography business together. Its everything I think I want. Erin and Jeff spend everyday together, doing something they love doing, and at the end of the day, no one is there telling them that it isn't good enough, and that they should spend more time developing skills they should have had 10 years ago. I miss my husband. I see him usually only for the 2 hours before we go to bed everynight. So what I'm getting at is, is a Doctorate program worth it? Do I want to practice for the rest of my life only for people to constantly remind me that I'm not as I should be at my age? so many questions. I think I already know some of the answers, but writing it down seems to help sort things out. This one is getting long. But I don't think i used the word "feel". Success.

Prelude...

So I've been thinking about doing this for a while, so I think I'm finally going to give it a try. I'm not sure I'll do any better at this then, for example, writing in a journal, but its worth a shot. The purpose of this blog for me is to record the thoughts, events and accomplishments of my most elusive goal, Being a great pianist. So right now, at this point in my life, I am a second year Masters student in Piano Performance at Indiana University. This year is a pivotal year for me, as I will be auditioning for Doctoral programs, and also giving my masters recital. Normally this would be a very exciting thing, however, I had an Awful summer, as far as the piano is concerned and entered the school year So behind, that I'm still not sure I'm going to make it. Towards the end of the summer, I had what I could call an "awakening" however, and that gave me the push that I needed. That push I think came from attending the Duxbury Music Festival in July, and studying with Monique Duphil, and briefly, John Perry. It was 2 weeks of awful stress, but something about it put me back in the right frame of mind. I recently decided that I need to be recording these important musical moments so that they can come back and help me later. I have these small bits of inspiration now and then, and I often forget them too soon, and get bogged down in the everyday drudgery of 6 hours in a tiny practice room. I say drudgery of a practice room as if I don't love what I do, which couldn't be further away from the truth. I actually Adore my time in the practice room, it is just hard to see progress day to day, and after weeks of work and what feels like a barely an inch of progress, I call that drudgery. I will try to post almost daily for this beginning section, because I need some way to gage what I am accomplishing. I'm not a good writer, that talent in my family seems to have deposited itself in my older siblings, and dried up before it reached me, but I'll at least try to keep it interesting. Enjoy my world.