An Un-natural habit

So it has been a while since I wrote. This is turning out to be more like my journal than I expected. So practicing has been going pretty good lately. Lots of ups and downs as usual. I am in the middle of recording for my DM auditions and holy smokes. So far I have recorded the first two mvts. of Beethoven 109, and also the Chr. Fantasy and Fugue. Turns out I hate the fantasy. :( Yesterday I began rethinking my approach to it, and I think I will be much more successful if I re-record it. Turns out Dr. Shaw was right. Too different. Oh well. Today I will be recording the last mvt. of Bartok 2nd concerto. I'm sending it in for a competition in Idaho. We'll see if that goes anywhere. Not too concerned.
Now on to the good stuff. I have realized that my whole approach to learning music is completely off. The last several years of school, I realized that I am one of those people who misses notes. My teachers pointed it out, I could hear it, and I was never really happy with the accuracy of my playing. So somehow I got into the mindset that that was the most important first step to learning music. Well, its wrong. I have realized lately that you can work on the "notes" and silly details FOREVER, and never really understand the whole structure of the piece, where it is going, what it is communicating, and then, if you try to change your approach or your ideas, you have to start over on the whole notes process. BAD. As I was playing Bach for Dr. Shaw the other day, we had a discussion about this. She said to imagine a baroque building. Beautiful scrolls and detail work. Now imagine how that building was built. They did not start by carving the tiny artwork and filigree on stones, and then put them up somewhere. They had an absolute plan, and most of the building was already done before they tried to do the detail work. I have always started with the detail work. (Make sure to play every note and get a really good crescendo and Rit. ,) I never stopped to think what it had to sound like as a whole, or what purpose it served in the structure. I have been learning music this way for about 20 years now. like I said. Bad. But I really think that to revamp this part of myself will be to really make a breakthrough in my playing. I think it is the missing link to really understanding the music and making mature and wise musical decisions. So while it is kind of depressing and is going to take a TON of work to fix, I am pretty excited about it. I only wish I could have learned this 8 years ago. oh well. I'm learning it now. Off to practice.